Summer Len Davis

Essays from the Dirty Floor

The Struggle of Marriage & Putting Your Spouse First

I’ve had to put some of my own dreams aside in order to support my husband’s quest to be successful in his career, and while I sometimes struggle with that decision, I know that it was the best decision for our family, and ultimately it has made my spouse happy. When we first got married, he was managing a little cafe, sort of like a convenience store inside a new convention hotel in Orlando, FL. That job ended and he found a job as the manager of a small cafe on Forsyth Park in Savannah, GA. We moved the family there, purchased a house, and settled in. That job turned into a promotion as the Assistant Restaurant Manager at a restaurant called Rocks on the River in the Bohemian Hotel on Savannah’s riverfront. Kyle was 21 when he took that job and bought his first house. The transition was difficult for me and we struggled immensely as a couple. He went to work before we woke up and came home after we were in bed. I began calling him “The Workaholic”, and it was true. There were fights about his hours, but I tried so hard to remember that I wanted him to be successful. Two years into that job, I realized that he was completely unhappy and that he was ready for more, so I urged him to apply for jobs in new locations. If something came of it, great. If not, fine. As luck would have it, he landed the job as the Bar & Lounge Manager at a 5-star property called The Umstead Hotel & Spa in Cary, NC. He had very little experience with liquor and didn’t even drink alcohol at the time. I knew that he was talented at what he did, so I encouraged him with every ounce of my being.  He ended up finding great success as one of Raleigh’s top mixologists and his drink creations have won awards and been featured in national publications.

Life in Raleigh wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We did see him more often than we did in Savannah, by about an hour a week. It was almost like we had our own separate lives. The kids and I vacationed on our own most of the time and he was rarely home to support my work from home schedule. I had to constantly remind myself to let him do his thing because ultimately, his happiness is what I want. I want my husband to be successful but to also be happy at work. When he’s miserable at work, he’s miserable at home and it was just time for us to move on because he just wasn’t happy there. He started looking at jobs all over the country and had quite a few phone interviews. Unfortunately most companies weren’t willing to pay relocation costs so he was passed up in favor of more local candidates.

Then through a connection at work, he was scouted for a position as the GM for a four-star restaurant at Watercolor Inn and Resort in Santa Rosa Beach, FL. The beach, y’all. They flew him down for an interview and a week later he was offered the job. We had less than two weeks to pack up our entire house and move back to Florida.

When he got the job, his first words to me were, “I’m sorry it’s back in Florida and I’m sorry it’s at the beach.” My husband, he knows I still dream of being in the mountains. But I, I want to support his dream and his career. I want him to be happy. And if that means moving to the beach and living in a small town where I know nobody, then so be it. His dream has always been to be at the beach, and at the age of 25, he is now the GM of a renowned restaurant in a gorgeous beach resort, and for the first time since we got married, he is genuinely happy with his job. We have only been here for one month, but his entire demeanor has changed. He’s playful and fun at home, he doesn’t pick fights, he’s become incredibly supportive of my schedule, and he’s home a lot more often.

Did I mention he’s only 25?

Yes, I’m struggling with this move because I don’t know anybody, but there are other growing pains I’m experiencing too. The truth of the matter is, no matter how hard I’m struggling, I’m weak with happiness that my husband is finally happy. I am excited that he loves the restaurant he is managing and that he believes that this job will be the one that will elevate him to corporate success. I have no doubts in my mind that he will grow here and that this is finally where we will put down roots and raise our family. Is this what I wanted? That’s a difficult question. It might not be what I wanted six years ago, but when I married my husband, I pledged to love and support him through his dreams, through hard times, through good times. While that hasn’t always been easy, I’ve observed and learned what makes him happy and I’ve worked hard to support him no matter what.

Now check out a few of the simple things you can do to support your husband and elevate him so that he finds great success, with you by his side.

 

 

 

 

Reader Interactions

Comments

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