Summer Len Davis

Essays from the Dirty Floor

Weeding the Garden – How Gym Regulars are like Nasty Weeds

I’ve been in and out of the gym since I was 3 years old.  I started gymnastics when I was 3, quit when I was 5, started dancing when I was 7, quit when I was 9 and we moved to Alaska, started dancing again my freshman year of High School, quit when I was 19 and pregnant with The Nerd, started working out at the gym 3 years later, quit when I moved to Orlando 2 years later and began a fast-paced schedule, then started going again in May of this year. *deep breath*

Every, single time I have become the “newbie” at the gym, I’ve been aware of the stares, the judgment, the wonders of how long I’ll last before the regulars never see me again.  This awkward judgment has kept me out of the gym many-a-time.  When we moved to Raleigh, I was terrified of what people would think.  I spent the past 2 months out of the gym, but started going back to the gym almost 2 weeks ago and I’m being treated like a newbie again.

Just because you've never seen me before, doesn't mean I'm a gym newbie, mmmmmkay?

Just because you’ve never seen me before, doesn’t mean I’m a gym newbie, mmmmmkay?

 

It’s always easy to tell who the gym regulars are:  They’re running 500 miles on the treadmill then following it up with a full-body free weight work out.  They glance at you and roll their eyes, then turn their perfect noses up into the air as they continue on with their workout.  They stand inside Zumba class in a massive huddle whispering while you stand in the corner, alone, incapable of breaking in.  You don’t even get the opportunity to say, “YO, I just moved here!”.

Eventually if you go often enough, they might say a swift hello to you, but in my experience, it takes months.

Hey, I'm here! BE NICE TO ME!

Hey, I’m here! BE NICE TO ME!

These feelings  came flooding back recently when I overheard a conversation between two gym regulars where someone was commenting on how busy the gym was.  They ended by saying, “It’s not even the new year” and then erupted into raucous  laughter.   The person with them made a comment about not being able to stand the “Resolutioners” and loved when the gym slowed down again around February.

Disgusting.

Earlier this week, I was at the gym, eyeballing the free-weights.  I desperately want to get back into lifting weights instead of using the newbie machines.  I used to lift weights, but I can’t seem to remember how to do it.  Maybe the truth is I’m afraid someone will judge my form, and instead of coming over to offer me some advice, they’ll just laugh at me internally and scoff, “Newbie”.

I was sitting on the leg press machine between reps and I noticed a very obese woman on the treadmill.  I could crawl faster than she was walking and my immediate thought was, “why pay for a membership if you’re not going to sweat?”  I immediately gave myself a high-five to the face and shook the thought off and followed it up with a new one:  She’s MOVING.  She’s HERE.  And eventually, as long as she keeps moving, her weight should change and she should become healthier.

I couldn’t believe that I was thinking these unhealthy, self-righteous thoughts.  It really disgusted me.

Today in Zumba, we had to partner up for a fun dance for cool-down and the girl who I partnered with said to me, “This is my first time, I have NO idea what I’m doing.  Don’t judge.”

She felt like she had to justify her lack of Zumba talent to me because it was her first time.  NOT.  COOL.

Why do we make people feel this way?  

If you’re a gym regular, you should smile at the new people, make them feel welcome, help to hold them accountable by saying, “I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow!”

There’s no reason to squeeze them out and make them feel unwelcome.

Have you ever considered the way you size someone up, the looks you shoot them, the things you say that they overhear; perhaps THOSE are the reasons that the newbies stop coming to the gym after a few weeks.

Have you ever considered that the overweight person huffing away on the elliptical machine didn’t used to be overweight?  Have you ever considered that everyone has a story, and that everyone’s story matters, and that the important thing is that they are at the gym in the first place?  Give them a slap on the shoulder, let them know you’re happy to see them there, and tell them that you look forward to seeing them again.

Being like a weed and choking out people who are trying to make positive changes in their lives does nothin’ for noBODY.

If you’re a gym regular and you are having these thoughts, perhaps you should work on making your thought-life healthy.  When you think a negative thought about someone, counter back with three positive things.

Example: 

Negative thought:  Look at that fatty on the elliptical sweating her butt off.  Wonder how long she’ll stick around?

Positive thoughts: 1.  They’re here, they’re moving, and they’re burning calories.  AWESOME!

2.  My oh my, that person has beautiful hair

3.  Look at those killer calves!  They must have been extremely athletic at one point in their life.

The truth is, you don’t know their story, and their story doesn’t really matter.

Be the flower in the garden, not the weed.  Nurture the newbies so that they continue coming back.  I think you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel in the long run.

Because true health and wellness encompasses SO much more than just a fit body.   

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I never realized how lucky I was to have a great gym. I have only been a member of two gyms, and both have been terrific. Sure, there are always catty bitches…. but ya know, you run into those everywhere.

    Very good point. The “girlfriend code” (women supporting each other NO MATTER WHAT) is a long lost concept.

    • OMG Lynsey, When I lived in St. Augustine and started going back to the gym there, I was like 25lbs overweight and NOBODY would talk to me. There was this one guy who worked there and he made what I called a “rotation” every day. He’d go talk to all the fit girls who were working out for like 5 minutes, then move on to the next one. I wasn’t one of them. It only took me 2 months to lose the weight, but suddenly, I was one of the hot girls on his rotation. It always disgusted me, still does.

      I love the YMCA, but breaking in with the regulars is still really difficult.

      And what on earth happened to girl code? The dudes respect their man code! Let’s get it together, bitches!

    • I absolutely agree. I LOVED high school, though. It’s more difficult to deal with the drama now that I don’t have time for it. I just want someone to adopt me! 🙂

    • I LOVE working out, but I have a hard time getting there when I think people are ticking down the days until I never return. It’s easier when you know people and have someone to go with!

  6. The few times I’ve had a gym membership, I did feel kind of awkward going in, but I never really noticed people “judging” me. I always thought, sure I feel kinda dumb, but they probably couldn’t care less what I’m doing. A gym membership’s not in our budget right now, but now you’re making me afraid to go back anyway! LOL

    • I’ve always been extremely self conscious so I’m sure that doesn’t help my plight, but when you hear gym regulars talking about newbies the way I have recently, you really get an understanding for the way some of them feel. Clearly not all gym veterans are going to be quite so rude, but some are. I guess we really just need to push through the stares and go anyways. Also, have you ever looked into your local YMCA? They offer need-based scholarships. My husband does alright – we make enough to pay the bills and go on a few dates here and there, and we qualified for a partial scholarship so we get a discount on our membership fee. Several years ago, I got a HUGE scholarship and only had to pay $25/month for a family membership. It’s worth looking in to!

  8. That was a great post. I’ve never been able to go to a gym. That’s ok. I’m good at walking on the high school track. I can’t imagine you having trouble in a gym situation.

  10. Just remember: All of those regular perfect nose gym members who snub the new members are the ones who are “afraid” of finding a imperfection in themselves. If you can see your imperfections, then your normal and face them and work on them. Be happy that they don’t include you in their little “clique”, because it would only mean that your the snobbish, condansending asshole they are. Hang in there and do what you gotta do to make YOU feel better!

  12. This would be the main reason I do not go to the gym! Not that I really care about what others think either but I know myself well enough to know I will not keep my mouth shut. They will probably meet my very sarcastic smart mouth side first and I just do not want to deal with it.

  16. Thank you for speaking the truth. I totally agree. If you have “made it” in the fit body department…by golly help the next man. I get so sick of people with the “selfish” mentality. We are all in this together…lol. Great post!!

  17. I would like to have the time to go to the gym, but with a special needs child there’s no time for me

  18. i have never been to a gym. bought zumba for home. mostly because i don’t want people acting like the way you have described them in this blog. because unfortunately, there are people like that and there always will be. i’d rather walk/run etc around town instead of go to a gym.

  19. I can relate to what you are saying. I longed to do the free weights but was too self conscious with all the preening gym rats!! However, I really realize now from doing many exercises at home, you don’t need the free weights as much as you think, but if you do, it is VERY important to use a personal trainer – there are many quality exercise books about free weights, etc., and it can be more complicated than you think. I had bought a set of free weights, they were very pretty chrome, not too expensive. OK till I moved and the floor was more slippery and I ended up w/a torn rotator cuff. I wish SOO much I never did free weights at home, and not without a spotter and trainer at a gym. If you can afford a trainer, you might not feel as self conscious – everyone had to start somewhere, the hard part is stopping, then starting over again. Most ppl just give up. You must be in good shape if you did gymnastics and dancing from a young age!!!

  21. It all comes down to self-image. TRUE self-image, not that ‘I’m so much better than you’ attitude crap.

  22. I hate the gym hence why I work out at home but, I think erveryone has judged one person or another regardless of weight, looks or whatever. You can only stop it by changing your self and ignoring the people who can’t.

  25. Yes those regulars have very unfit , unhealthy attitudes toward the new guys! So they are not 100% fit or healthy!

  27. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a gym. I would love to join one, but I’m scared of the judgmental comments or looks.

  28. Isn’t it incredible how hard we women are on each other? This starts from pre-school and goes on even in the nursing homes We’re our own worst enemies. Glad I have 4 sons and a wonderful daughter in law.

  29. People never stop to think that they were once new also and probably didn’t like it when people weeded them out and made them feel uncomfortable. This was a great post and so true. We are all supposed to be adults so why do people still act like they are in high school? Thanks for sharing with us.

    Happy New Year to you and your family!!!

  30. thanks for sharing. This is very true. That is why most people do not like going to gyms! They buy dvds and equipment to work out at home.

  32. Wow, I never been to a gym before..Didn’t know people treat others like that…

  35. I am already so self concious being over weight and all, Gym’s are so judgemental and just down right clicky. I wish we had a big gal’s only gym here ;(! I found that even Curves for women are EVIL……..

  36. Your post is the best by far that I have read. I am fairly new to reading blogs, entering giveaways, etc. But I am an AVID reader and I have read many before yours. This post was honest and thought provoking. How many of us are guilty of judging others? You are so right; it IS disgusting!

    • Wow, Kathleen! Thank you so, SO much! I am also an avid reader, and a writer by birth. I enjoy reading blogs, but I can only palate the well written ones. I much appreciate the compliment!

  37. That’s exactly what keeps me out of the gym, i hated it so much I bought a treadmill and some weights and now I work out at home. Sooo much better! 😉

    • I wish I had the follow through to work out at home. I owned an elliptical and used it all of 2 times. I really need the accountability and stability a gym provides. I wish I was more like you!

  38. I never judge anyone! I get to know the person first! You never know what happened to them or why they are the way they are unless you get to know them 🙂

  40. I tried going to a gym when my husband’s company he worked for had a free gym membership. I think I went for about 3 weeks and quit. It’s just hard to be motivated when you can’t keep up with the other people that are there.

  41. I feel for you, but honestly, you can’t expect people to be nice. People have to make themselves feel better, so they judge you…Don’t sweat it. You’re there for you, not them..Personally, I would do my best to make their gym lives miserable…play some practical jokes or something.

  42. This is one of the reasons I don’t join a gym. My main reason is that it’s just out of my comfort zone. But combine my horrible anxiety problems with snotty people I would never make it. I prefer the comfort of my home where the only people laughing at me are my 3 yr old & myself.

  43. I think we all have those thoughts where we can somtimes not even know that we are thinking unkind thoughts and judging people. I have caught myself doing this, looking and judging someone on their looks. I stop myself and say that this is not right,and I make sure to think better thoughts! I have been discriminated by others, even family members, and we need to remember to be kind to everyone we meet.

  44. I’m one of those people that don’t care what others think. Until you pay my bills, I will do what I want, when I want and how I want. If people don’t like it they can kiss it =D

  45. Glad to have read your post because with this new year in, I need to join a gym. I have joined one in the past and it is time to get back at it

  46. I need people like you in the gyms in my area! I think that’s one of the main things holding me back from going is the constant stares and being looked down on

  48. I am not a gynm regular, but I have been lucky enough not to feel these criticisms at my gym. Just keep going and try to ignore them

  49. I think a lot of this is what keeps me from going to the gym. I have found that it’s a lot like high school. You hit it on the nose.

    • 🙁 Doesn’t feel good, does it. I should start an Invisible Gymmers club at my local gym. 🙂

  51. I am one of the FATTIES and I can tell you I hate going to the gym. I have gained and lost weight all of my adult life. I am at my highest weight in a while right now and I need to lose weight desperately. I don’t use the weights, preferring to swim and I know people stare at me. What people don’t understand is that there is usually a reason people are overweight. With me, I have suffered from major depression most of my adult life and I am a compulsive overeater, overeating when I am stressed and I have a lot of stress. Right now I am unemployed and am not really feeling good about my chances of getting a job without losing weight. I also had bilateral knee replacement in September 2011 and can’t walk very well because my knees hurt ALL the time. It’s hard to walk when you are both obese and in pain all the time. So the next time anyone judges the FATTIES at the gym, think the may have a reason for their condition please and that they are most likely in pain and they are just as embarassed about being there as you are about judging them.

    • Thanks for the reply, Kayleen! I SO know how you feel. I actually have a torn miniscuis in my left knee, and was dealing with rheumatoid arthritis until October of last year. Have you heard of the Paleo Diet? It is a grain and dairy-free lifestyle that changed my LIFE. I lost 50lbs within a few months and my knees quit hurting after the first week. I would LOVE to talk to you about it if you’re interested in hearing more. I’m still overweight, but working towards better health – mental AND physical! Happy 2013 to you! Thank you for visiting, and I hope you’ll come back and stay a while. 🙂

      • Thank you, Summer. I appreciate your reply. I think I was kind of insulted by the fatty remark when I wrote that. Yes, I have heard of the Paleo Diet. I keep trying the low carb diet but failing because I miss the carbs. Right now I’m going to try again, but I have some Atkins bars to try when my sweet cravings get too bad. I’ve been dealing with a lot of things that cause a great deal of stress for me and it’s hard to diet when that is the case. Happy 2013 to you too, and I will come back and visit again.

        • If it makes you feel any better, I’m a “fatty” too. 🙂 I have about 60lbs to lose after losing 60 last year. I felt “comfortable” saying it in my post because I’m RIGHT THERE, you know? Certainly no judgment here. I have some DELICIOUS homemade grain-free granola bars I could tell you ALL about. The recipe is fairly easy and will last you at least a week if you hide them in the back of your ‘fridge!

  53. That’s why I LOVE CrossFit so much! Everyone is always welcoming! You never feel like a newbie, well, at least in the community sense. Sure, you may not know any of the acronyms or the moves, but there’s always a class full of people willing to show you. And as a bonus, you cheer each other on to finish the workout. I commend you for lasting through the scorn found in a traditional gym! I’m not sure how people do it!

  54. I was a gym newbie this year and felt like this for awhile but a few things helped I had a friend I had just met that made me feel comfortable and I tried to make it a point to meet people. Especially the regulars.

    • Hi Lauren! I started going with a friend too. It REALLY changed things for me. It was a very positive experience. When I moved, I didn’t have anyone to go with, though! Totally bummed.

  55. I totally agree with all of this and I will try to use the think 3 positive things about people next chance I get! Thank you!

    • Hi Pamela! I wish I had the will to work out at home, unfortunately I don’t. I have to have the structure and accountability that a gym provides. I totally envy you!

  57. the gym here cost to much a month so we are going to do the gmy here in the complexe and i can go in any time i want to and no one can say any thing

  58. hey hey hey, i actually know the answer to some of these questions!!

    “Why do we make people feel this way?”
    in short, the media has taught us to think like this – we are all in competition with one another, and the best way to “win” is to be better… and even if we’re not really better, when we point out the faults of others, we feel like we’re better and we’re “winning”… it’s honestly so much easier to feel better about ourselves if we say “at least i’m not as bad as s/he is”

    “Have you ever considered that the overweight person huffing away on the elliptical machine didn’t used to be overweight? ”
    have you ever considered that the proportions of other people really aren’t anyone’s business but their own and perhaps that of their family physician? does it matter if they have only been fat for a while or if they’ve been fat all their lives? it shouldn’t matter to you, your health and the health of those in your guardianship (children or elderly) are the only people you really need to worry about.

    “The truth is, you don’t know their story, and their story doesn’t really matter.”
    there ya go. you hit the nail on the head. 🙂

    thanks for the post.
    hopefully some of those weeds in the gym (and maybe the random ones walking around amongst us) will realize that we’re all in this together and it shouldn’t be a competition of “better than”

  59. It’s terrible to feel yet another reason to not go to the gym, and I’m surprised that people are that way at the Y. I assume that’s where you’re going because of the pic. Our Y is full of some gym-rats, but also there are elderly people and lots of moms trying to get back into shape. Keep it up… just don’t turn into one of them. hehe!

  62. I enjoyed high school very much. The exception to that would have been the people whom think
    they are better than everyone else and always look down on you. Well someday they will realize what a lost opportunity they had not to make friends, their loss. Thank you for the great post.

  63. I was underweight or skinny most of my life until the past 12 years. I had another child and then after the pregnancy went on meds that slowed down the losing process I guess. I am 75lbs overweight and look horrible. Funny thing is the people that would laugh probably at me aren’t as great looking as they think for the most part. I have to say I looked better when I was their age so people shouldn’t judge cause you nevr know how you’re gonna wind up looking in the future

    sibabe64 at ptd dot net

  65. Wonderful advice “not A newbie” you are right. It dosent mater if you look new or not in a gym. A person should be encourage to come back so they can be healthy.

  66. Walking in, I do feel like all eyes are on me. But then I have times where I wonder if they really are. I mean, why would they be? I don’t stare people down. I get so into what I’m doing that I don’t have the inclination or the energy to devote to anyone else.

    But yet I still worry when I’m just starting out. Some of it might be real. Some of it might be imagined. But I shouldn’t care…because it really is all about me for that hour.

  67. I’ve never been a gym person 🙂 but that is partly due to the looks. I agree that people should be nicer to the new members, that may give the one’s who really need encouragement that little push to keep coming to the gym. Don’t judge people by the way they look at the gym, it’s not a beauty contest if it were you (not you :).) wouldn’t win either cause it is a gym everyone looks eh at the gym. Their there to make themselves look and feel better not be judged by everyone. 🙂

  68. OMG I feel the same way! I am a big girl. I take lots of steroids due to being sick :/
    I have gained 100 lbs in a year.
    I HATE going to the gym.
    I ended up buying things to do small workouts at home.
    I can’t do a lot and I think that is why I got looks “Oh look she is fat and can’t move fast” kind of looks.
    They didn’t know that I can not physically do it or I can break my bones.
    UGH I hate gym people!

  70. These tips would have made me feel so much more welcome at the gym. You are more likely to stick with it when you feel welcome and feel you are socializing. I have to go to the gym because of my Military career but would go more outside of the base on my own if people were more sociable.

  73. Great way of thinking. I don’t go to gyms, I hate them, I’ll do my excersizes at home, thank you. I never judge anyone because you’re right everyone has a story.

  74. It’s always way easier to be involved in any activity when there are supportive people around. When you are being sized up and criticized it makes it all that much harder to go back again.

  76. I saw an article about this on DailyMail and needless to say I’ll be sticking to doing my workouts at home…

  77. People can be really ignorant. I live in NC and people here are ignorant Iam not sying all but most of them are. I just smile and wave. I am going to go where I want and do what I do even if those people act dumb. They dont rule me and i live to make me and my family not them.

    • Chelsea! Where in NC do you live? We’re in Raleigh/Wake Forest. I’ve found it hard to escape the stares, but as I go more and more to the Y, I’m feeling more comfortable. People see me there on a regular basis now and know I’m serious. I guess consistency is key if you can get past the initial uncomfortable atmosphere.

  80. I have never went to a gym before mainly because of money, but I always feel like this in life in general that I dont belong places and getting stares at different events and such, nice to read I am not the only one.

  81. I LOVE this post. I wrote something similar a few days ago. People should welcome one another to the gym and be happy they are trying to make positive changes in their lives, regardless if they stay one day or one year! Maybe if the “gym regulars” smiled and attempted to be nice, there would be more fit people in the world!
    Here is my post 🙂 Hope Raleigh is still treating you right!

    http://oneloveinteriorsblog.wordpress.com/2014/01/03/there-are-no-more-treadmills/

    • Thanks, Ashley! I totally agree with you, there needs to be more people who will smile and attempt to be nice to the newbies. There could be more fit people in the world if we didn’t judge people who don’t look like us.

  82. I am a gym regular and frequently see the rotation of new users. As someone is always more than happy to help out a ‘newbie’, I can tell you that nothing drives me up the wall more than the ‘resolutioners’. Well, that and poor grammar (“…nothing for nobody…” does in fact do SOMETHING for SOMEBODY). I understand if you don’t know what you’re doing, but I applaud effort and commitment in equal doses. I’m not going to waste my time, and it sure has been wasted, teaching you the ins and outs just because you decided that January 1st was a good day to change your life. If you want to get in shape, then do it, commit to it, and stop waiting for the new year! If you show some kind of dedication I’ll gladly show you the ropes, but understand that the sad truth is that I’m not going to see 90% of these new faces ever again come the 7th.

    • 1: Any usage of bad grammar in my posts is written with a sarcastic slant, but thanks for the jab.

      2: Your attitude is exactly what I’m talking about. New people feel uncomfortable in the gym and the last thing they need are gym regulars making them feel like they shouldn’t be there. If newbies got positive support from people like you, they would be far more likely to continue coming back.

  83. You Go Summer!! Thi Bod Zumba is fun if you have not tried that one yet…Crissy is AWESOME and always makes everyone feel welcome it is a PARTY…I’ve heard glow night is off the chain. That is the only “gym” I have ever liked…the smell of others bodily fluids turn me off so I would rather just dance in my house…. My feeling about unkind people world in ANY thing you do or ANYWHERE you go….be it the gym, the grocery store, the home depot, the park, WORK or anywhere….THEY SUCK and Karma is a _________ hopefully someday they will gain empathy…if not their loss. Keep growing :-).

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